Student: Geoff Hendricks Reviewer: Melissa March Date: September 21, 2005 Assignment: Section 1 PR #3
From the first paragraph to the second, it would probably be good to add a paragraph footer or topic sentence to the effect of: "Although the men experience the selective memory regarding Vietnam, they have subtle reminders that sit in their homes which act as..." The transitioning into the following paragraph is also somewhat rough in that there isn't a stated intent of informational flow between them. They do tie together conceptually, just a written recognition and statement of that correlation would aid in clarity. Observed common factors between the paragraphs are the ideas of symbolic reenactment, reenactment and memory (the quote that is present in the following paragraph is related to the implications of the preceding.)
1 Comments:
Student: Geoff Hendricks
Reviewer: Melissa March
Date: September 21, 2005
Assignment: Section 1
PR #3
From the first paragraph to the second, it would probably be good to add a paragraph footer or topic sentence to the effect of: "Although the men experience the selective memory regarding Vietnam, they have subtle reminders that sit in their homes which act as..." The transitioning into the following paragraph is also somewhat rough in that there isn't a stated intent of informational flow between them. They do tie together conceptually, just a written recognition and statement of that correlation would aid in clarity. Observed common factors between the paragraphs are the ideas of symbolic reenactment, reenactment and memory (the quote that is present in the following paragraph is related to the implications of the preceding.)
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