Peer Reviewer: Melissa March Student: Jason Lombard December 11, 2005 Introduction Peer Review 5
Prelude – Leads into prelude. I think that the prelude quote is supposed to be offset and in a different font than the rest of the document. That is what he told me at the conference. If he didn’t mention it to you, don’t bother with it. Your prelude is structurally different than mine.
Common Ground – Prelude flows smoothly and directly into common ground.
Destabilizing Condition – It is clear when I read your destabilizing condition that you are making the offset and setting up for what your paper will be about.
Costs/Benefits – Benefits are clearly stated and sets up well. I believe that from “In fact…” until “…slow paced move into capitalism” may need to move to common ground. It will flow into the “benefits” section fine if placed just before they begin.
Thesis – Your thesis is very clear that each culture brought their own solution, and that created a problem of ‘idea clutter’ so to speak which caused the ineffective initiation of capitalism during reconstruction.
Sub-theses – You may need to work on your sub-theses somewhat. There need to be three separate ideas, X1, X2 and X3 to setup into your sections (although I haven’t seen your sections.) I see that there are three things that correlate with your overarching thread (your thesis) but I think that you may need to clarify them somewhat by distinguishing them more than you have. Make them seem more important by specifically emphasizing each of them.
1 Comments:
Peer Reviewer: Melissa March
Student: Jason Lombard
December 11, 2005
Introduction
Peer Review 5
Prelude – Leads into prelude. I think that the prelude quote is supposed to be offset and in a different font than the rest of the document. That is what he told me at the conference. If he didn’t mention it to you, don’t bother with it. Your prelude is structurally different than mine.
Common Ground – Prelude flows smoothly and directly into common ground.
Destabilizing Condition – It is clear when I read your destabilizing condition that you are making the offset and setting up for what your paper will be about.
Costs/Benefits – Benefits are clearly stated and sets up well. I believe that from “In fact…” until “…slow paced move into capitalism” may need to move to common ground. It will flow into the “benefits” section fine if placed just before they begin.
Thesis – Your thesis is very clear that each culture brought their own solution, and that created a problem of ‘idea clutter’ so to speak which caused the ineffective initiation of capitalism during reconstruction.
Sub-theses – You may need to work on your sub-theses somewhat. There need to be three separate ideas, X1, X2 and X3 to setup into your sections (although I haven’t seen your sections.) I see that there are three things that correlate with your overarching thread (your thesis) but I think that you may need to clarify them somewhat by distinguishing them more than you have. Make them seem more important by specifically emphasizing each of them.
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